Long Weekend!!

Festivals, be it religious or regional, we, the people of India are always known to celebrate them in the grandest possible manner. People would go to the extent of planning their lives based on these festivals, like onathinuu grinder, pongalukku moped and new dress for the entire family for Ugadhi. Children would normally start celebrating these festivals, days before the actual festival day and thus spreading happiness and excitement among their family and friends.

In the recent years, we could see a different trend. The only thing which doesn't change is that we still start celebrating festivals 120 days in advance, thanks to the hue and cry in getting train tickets. Most of us don't get tickets and hence the festival day, when we used to play with our cousins and involve ourselves in heroic sports in villages is now a day to fight/curse our luck in getting a tatkal ticket for our return journey.Many people in Tamil Nadu sacrificed(thats how they call it) a greater part of Pongal celebrations last year on Jan 14th as they were slogging to get tickets booked on the opening day for Holi holidays in March. People now have to plan their travel for the harvest festival well before the seeds are sown in the field.

People have started forgetting why a particular festival is celebrated , in the above case, Holi. We only look at whether it is a Holiday and not if it is 'Holi' day. Our next focus after getting the required travel tickets is in knowing what movies are releasing for that festival both in cinemas and TV. Even if we are hearing the same voice crying out 'For the first time in Television or Prabanja tholai kaatchigalil mudhalmurayaga(India and world are already copyrighted with the voice :( ), we get excited. We get glued to the idiot box watching interviews of Tom,Dick and Harry on the festival days . I still remember one Diwali where there were no crackers in the evening as one of the channels was telecasting superstar movie. The crackers went off only during the half an hour news break in between.

We also see seasonal festivals being plucked from one part of the year and placed in some other parts for various reasons. We witness the same festival called by different names in different channels with some festivals still waiting to be accredited by few channels. But that doesn't matter as long as the channel telecasts how our favorite actress celebrates the festival.

In the midst of all these, festivals indeed matter for few private bus operarors and the alcohol industries. Both these sections get their maximum profit during festival times especially the alcohol sales scaling new peaks every festival. Looks like there will come a day, if not come already where we would have to stream a video in youtube to know what was Onam/Deepavali and how it was celebrated.After all, we the people who celebrate the festivals are seeing the festival holidays and weekends as ' looonng weekends ' and not a Pongal weekend or Holi weekend. 

A new Chapter!!

"It is almost 8! Where the hell is this moron?" , I thought. I was pacing up and down in the hall looking at the entrance and the hall alternately. Suddenly I heard the swish. "Phew! At last!" I ran to the doorstep to pick the weekly Adyar Times newspaper. I quickly flipped to the you-know-what page. Though I get this paper every weekend, I had never attached any significance to it till then, but it was different that week after my colleague informed that I could find lots of options matching my taste in the classifieds section of this paper. My choice to look in the newspaper classifieds might look old-fashioned. Initially I too started my hunt in the thousands of websites with photos and many other add on details. I expressed my interest to few of the ads which were matching my preferences and dialed the given contact numbers, but they were either already engaged or fake. Hence I had resorted to the newspaper option, as only genuine people would post their ads in classifieds by shelling a considerate sum.

I was quickly scanning through the categories and shortlisted one ad. "Could this be the one chosen for me by God?" With a sudden gush of excitement, I stood before the full size mirror, checking
my looks in the T-shirt and denim. Meanwhile, I picked my phone, dialed the number from the ad. I gave a brief intro about me and asked, " I saw your ad. I would like to know more details and any conditions so that I can come and meet you today morning itself, if all goes well". "Hmm. No problem in seeing. But 30K/month , 6 month advance Ok va?", came the reply.

" 30K rent for 2 bhk??". He replied "YES!". I saw my mouth wide open in the mirror. It looked as if my T-shirt and denims gave way to the 'famous costume' of Lord Muruga atop the Palani hills, signifying that I would also become an 'Aandi'(Pauper) like him if I agree to the rent. I thanked the guy in phone for his time before hanging up the call. " 30K aam 30K, for such a poor locality. Let's look for other options", I told myself. In reality, I was telling the age old phrase "Those grapes are sour".

After getting nothing but disappointment in the newspaper ads, I decided to jump in the field(road, in fact) to search for any To-Let boards in the nearby streets. After all, I had only a week to vacate my current residence, thanks to few hasty decisions. I roamed around for a couple of days in vain as I could not find any house with To-Let boards. All I could see were random 'Contact for Rent' numbers of real estate agents. After a tiring search, I stopped at a nearby kinara shop to have a bottle of paneer soda. I struck up a conversation with the shopkeeper and enquired if he knew of any houses for rent in that area. He smiled in response. Did that smile carry an ounce of mischief in it? He then handed me a chit carrying a mobile number and informed " If you want a house, you can reach this number " which was of a real-estate broker in that area. "At last, it has come to this!!", I thought.

With no other option before me, I called the guy. He introduced himself as Ramu.(Paer lam nalla than irukku) I told my requirements and how I got this number. He asked me to wait at the shop itself for 5 mins. He came and met me before I finished my paneer soda. "Enna speed??" He said "Sir! There are few houses with me matching your requirements. Let us go and see them. If you confirm one of them, my commission would be one month's rent!" I nodded my head in affirmative ( I had to) He then took me to the first in his list, an apartment nearby. The house was ok-ok for the rent and advance. We then met the house owner hoping to finalize the deal. Ramu whispered in my ears " I will handle the owner. You need not talk anything ". Then came the owner, a grumpy middle aged man. He scanned me from top to bottom. He then started inquiring about my history and geography. " So, you are a bachelor. Hmmm!That would be a problem. I have two daughters ", he added. I was confused and looked at Ramu. He tried to convince the owner with many a lies, one of them about my marriage next May and hence I wouldn't be single for long. I gasped at his bluffing talents, though I didn't like the idea of getting a house by telling lies. After all, why should I choose my spouse before May for some grumpy father of two ladies.

I went with Ramu to check the next options in his list. Some of them had high rents, there were other houses, which would require me to find the correct way to the house everyday through a maze of streets. There were few owners who actually conducted an interview to make me a tenant with a barrage of questions ranging from "How many girlfriends you have?" to "What gothra you belong to?". I even thought if I would have to complete a medical examination before taking up their house for rent.

It was almost a week in the search and I was not able to get an ideal home to shift to, thanks to various reasons. I was simply gazing at the frothing waves at the beach thinking how it had come to this at all. " Ennachu? It was raining, raining heavily. Water levels were raising. I was in knee deep water for three days in my house a?? Ok Ok! That shouldn't be a problem if I change the house before the next forecast in a week". I was still blaming my decision to inform my current house owner about vacating my home quickly.My cell vibrated at that instant. It was Ramu. "Sir! You are lucky. Jessie's house is available for rent." "Which Jessie?", I asked. " Jessie from the movie VTV. The ground floor house where Simbhu stayed is vacant now. Rent and advance are within your limits. You get the car porch also from where the hero jumped the gate on seeing Jessie for the first time. Who knows you may also meet your Jessie there sir!!", he told and asked me to come to the specified locality. "How about the water logging in that area, Ramu?", I asked. " If it rains very heavily only, we need to worry Sir. Otherwise there should not be a problem ".

I smelled something fishy in the last statement. I knew that the particular area was one of the worst affected in the last rains. But still my mind was telling me to take that house. If all goes well, I might not have to check the newspaper classifieds for a different reason in the future :P. I was still imagining myself in the scenes of the movie. I decided to tell 'yes' to that house and started walking to that area. And about the rains next week and the possible water logging in this area, " Do I still care? After all, who would say no to the backwater effect outside your house as in the movie after the rain?". After all, this would be another hasty decision in a hope to open a new chapter in my life.

Bolt from the Blue

It was almost a year after Arpit had moved to  Chennai. He still cherishes the memories of the day he got his very first job offer. His whole family was ecstatic . Why wouldn't they be joyous?? After all, he was going to be the village's first software engineer. The only not so happy part of all this was that his initial posting would be in Chennai, a city people from north normally don't like to dwell in, just because you can't manage without learning Tamil . After becoming a Madarasi, Arpit got adjusted to the lifestyle of the city . He loved the city for the early morning stroll in the wonderful beaches, the aroma of the morning coffee, the pleasant devotional music played in the nearby temples, the joy of watching movies at the famous Sathyam cineplex, the hyperactive people and so on . In spite of all these, Arpit wanted to move out of Chennai to some office in his state to stay close to his near and dear. He had requested a transfer in his office.

After taking his last sip of his morning tea, Arpit started to his office on a humid Monday morning. Like every other day, he removed his shoe in front of the Ganesh temple, offered a quick prayer to make the day a memorable one. What Arpit didn't realize was that the Lord had already decided to make the day a  memorable one.

He walked swiftly to the bus station in the  sweltering heat and boarded a bus to his office. The bus got full in no time and moved at a snail's pace in the city traffic. Sitting at the window seat, Arpit was staring aimlessly at the passing vehicles and buildings. There was some commotion in the bus with  few ladies quarreling over a seat and the conductor scolding the footboarders. Arpit was used to all this and acted as if he were somewhere else by not paying any attention to the hue and cry. He was lost in his own world, enjoying the hustle and bustle outside the bus and the beauty of the majestic buildings getting baked by the Sun God .

Suddenly he was hit very strong in the back of his head.  The hit woke him up from his dreamworld. With a mix of shock and anger, he instinctively turned to his left. There he saw a veiled face telling something in a low voice at him. Though could not hear anything properly, he stared blankly at the person out of fear.  It was a lady with a long shiny hair, wearing a green salwar with a matching green cloth tied over her mouth and nose . It is common in Chennai to find most of the young ladies wearing gloves and scarves to shield them from the raging sun.He noticed that she was telling 'sorry sir. En bag!' and showed her backpack. It was this bag of hers which hit him while she was squeezing her way to the seat beside him. He looked at her face and  realized that she looked concerned  . He nodded his head accepting her apology and signalled her to take the seat beside him.

 Arpit shifted back to his routine of enjoying the scenes outside the window. But all of a sudden, nothing interested him. His mind was probably staging a dharna by not allowing him to focus on anything. It demanded a glimpse at those peerless eyes of her once again. He glanced at his left to take a look at her while she was settling down with her bag in the seat beside him. He was mesmerized by her shapely eyes bordered by a dark eyeliner . Suddenly he felt some breeze blowing through the windows which caused her unkempt hair to fall over her forehead. On seeing this, Arpit thought as

'At last, I too saw the Lunar eclipse!
When the black shiny hair fell on her moon like face,
I too saw the Lunar eclipse!!'

She finally sat beside him and started checking her phone. Arpit had forgot where he was and was simply hypnotized by the fragrance from the jasmine flowers she was wearing.  Then it happened . She pressed him against her lips. She made him kiss over the scarf on her cheeks. She made him to feel her beautiful hair. 'Hmmm! How lucky he is?', Arpit thought  seeing her talking on her phone. "Wish I had been that phone, I would have been blessed!", sighed Arpit.

The bus had slowly gathered pace and people started getting down at different stops. She was seen checking her watch every now and again. She was probably late to office. She was tensed which her arched eyebrows and the fluttering eyelashes showed. After some time, she rose up from the seat with her backpack on one side and moved towards the door. It looked as if it was Goddess Mohini, the feminine form of Vishnu carrying the pot of nectar on her side, on seeing her walk with the backpack . She then got down from the bus at the next stop. Arpit's heart skipped a beat when he realized that he might never get a chance to even see her, let alone pop the question to her. Just then his parents called him to check on the status of his transfer to his hometown. He told them that he wanted to be in Chennai for some more time. Humans are known for their fickle-mindedness. Arpit was no different to this. He just liked the prospect of meeting her again in the same bus some day and ask " Can you pls be my heroine until the Almighty calls for a cut??".

Modern Naradas

             I have read in some magazines that Devarishi Narada, a Chiranjeevi, was cursed once by Lord Brahma that he could not spent more than one a half hour continuously at a place as he had disrupted Brahma's creative process once.

            A few days before, I had a chance to meet the Devarishi at a Kalyana Mandapam in Mylapore. He was there to attend a marriage. I introduced myself to him and he requested me not to disclose his identity to anybody else there.

            A doubt arose in my mind that why he has come over there. He could not be an invitee to the function. Maybe, he might have planned to create some chaos at the function within his allowed one and a half hour's stay there, as was his practice.I thought it was wise to wait and see the happenings.

            An hour lapsed without any hitch and Narada remained quiet chanting Narayana Mantras within himself. I took a deep breathe of relief that nothing untoward happened till then and only half an hour remained for Narada to quit the place, within which nothing could take place and I sincerely wished that nothing could happen marring the marriage ceremonies.

            Then, I started hearing some quarrels from the Bridegroom's room in the Mandapam. The groom's mother had picked up a quarrel with the Bride's father over the purity of the gold ornaments which the bride was adoring. She wanted to check whether the ornaments were of pure gold to which the Bride's father refused, as he is an honest man and didn't want to cheat anybody. Other relatives of the Bride and the groom joined the quarrel and utter chaos prevailed over there and the marriage function ended abruptly.

          From all the happenings there, I read out that the Devarishi has played his part well there also. I searched for him in the Mandapam and could not trace him. I could make out that one and a half hour has already lapsed since I met him and he might have left the scene as per the curse.

          The story goes like this. Narada approached the bridegroom's mother in the guise of a relative to the bride and advised her to check the purity of the gold ornaments the bride was wearing, since the bride's father has cheated his elder daughter's in-laws by giving them gold covered jewelry. The in-laws came to know about it only after a long time and since then his elder daughter was staying with him only. But the truth was that the elder daughter's in-laws used to harass her and had taken all the jewels from her. When she could not tolerate their deeds, she returned to her father.

       Whatever be the true story, Devarishi Narada of the modern age played his part well and disappeared, leaving others to fight each other.

     He has chosen the right person(Bridegroom's mother) and the right property (gold) to enact that drama. May his tribe decrease.

Time to tie the knot??

"Mahi!Get up! It is already 7 O'clock", shouted his mother. Mahi tried to get up from his bed. But his body was not responding to his commands. Even after some 7 hrs of sleep, he  felt tired. The last two days were pretty hectic for him.It was his sister's marriage the previous day. He somehow got up from his bed and went to have his cup of bed coffee. "Amma!Why did you wake me up this early? I'm still feeling tired". "Uncle and aunt would be leaving by the 8 O'clock express. They wanted to say bye to you" told his mom. Just then, his uncle and aunt came down with their luggage. "Hey Mahi! See you then! Come to our home sometime", said his uncle. "Anyways, Mahi's line is clear now. It is his turn next. Endha Mahi?? :P", his aunt added. "Whaaat? ", Mahi didn't know how to react. "My turn a?", he didn't know what to tell. "I don't have any such plans for the next 3 years, aunty!", he told. "Hmmm. Hmmm. All guys say the same. Lets see!",concluded his aunt. He glanced at his mom who gestured him to not tell anything.

The same scene and dialogue repeated with many other relatives while leaving Mahi's home in the next day and two.He was getting tired of all those. One of his cousins even went to the extent of proposing few muhurtham dates for Mahi's marriage in her holidays and ordered him to get married only then. "Enna paasam?" He was tired of answering the same query on his nuptials. He then decided to come up with just a plastic smile if someone had brought the topic about he getting married , tomorrow or day after tomorrow. Even then he had no respite. "See! How the talk of marriage is causing his face to glow " told one relative. "Ada Raama!"

After a couple of days, when he himself was leaving for his workplace, his neighbors asked the same query as to how soon they would be getting a chance to dine in his marriage party. Mahi, fed up of this, gave a detailed vision plan of his life, as to how he first wants to try out teaching, then establish himself as an entrepreneur in his favorite field and then possibly think about marriage which would take a minimum of 3-5 years. Hearing this, his neighbor friends were reacting strangely. It looked as if they were asking him "3-5 years??PK hai kya??" 

He was back at work the next day with a huge bag of marriage sweets, which he knew was never going to be enough for his folks. Few of his team members came and just surveyed the variety of sweets he had brought . Each took a handful and when they were about to leave his desk, there came a voice "Boss! So, when are you going to tie the knot? Route clear thane?" "Gosh! I will keep you posted if there are any updates", he responded in an irritated tone. "Fine Thanks Mahi! Pls feel free to reach out to us for any help ", told his colleague with a mischievous smile. Just then one of his lady colleagues intervened "Don't make fun of Mahi! He might be feeling low recently. Give him time to move on". Yes. He was bit sad after his sister left for her in-law's home after her marriage. "See! He is still thinking of that marriage. Leave it. She would have forgotten you by now", the lady continued. Mahi felt something wrong and asked" About whom are you talking?". "Who else? The same girl whom you had in mind while writing all those romantic short stories, the same girl who is getting married today. Your friend has told me everything". "Ayyo! Just understand that those stories were not based on anyone, which means there is/was no 'She' as you people think", he replied angrily.

Mahi didn't get such queries after that outburst . He fell ill after a few days. It all started with food poisoning . He requested his boss for a few days' leave to go home and recover. His boss consented and then asked, "Get married Mahi so that you can have harmless home made food everyday and avoid such health issues". "Et tu Brute!", Mahi thought.

He was travelling to his home town that night . The voice of his boss telling "Get Married, Mahi!" was reverberating inside his head. All those taunts by his relatives, neighbours and friends to get married for whatever reason ranging from good food to holidays were going through his mind. He started getting the doubt whether people are marrying just because they have no other work or they talk/write romantic or they have got a job or have no job or they are susceptible to fall in love or they have just failed in love or the most important one, for good food?.  Looks like Mahi doesn't know that people asking such questions and confused are more prone to the query ,"Isn't it time for you to tie the knot yet?" God save Mahi!!

The Woodcutter's Axe

The woodcutter, hero of the story- The woodcutter and the Axe, was travelling in a house boat with his wife along the backwaters of Alappuzha when he remembered how he got the golden and silver axes along with his iron axe from the Goddess of the lake.He, then, thought of an idea, called his wife to come out from inside the boat and pushed her into the lake.

He,then,prayed the Goddess of the lake to give back his wife as she is the only wife he possessed. The Goddess appeared before him, heard his plea and came back accompanied by Urvasi, the famous dancer of the Indra Sabha. The woodcutter refused to accept her as she was not his wife. The Goddess reappeared for a second time with Menaka, one another dancer from Indra Sabha, who was also rejected by the woodcutter. At last the Goddess brought the woodcutter's wife herself and the woodcutter agreed in the affirmative and accepted her.

The Goddess gave him back his wife and was about to disappear when the woodcutter shouted to her. "Cheat, Cheat, you have cheated me". The Goddess asked "Me?Why so?"

"When I lost my axe, in the lake,  you first gave me a golden axe, then one silver axe and lastly my own iron axe. I rejected both the golden and silver axes and accepted my iron axe" told the woodcutter.

Goddess: "Yes, you being an honest man, you did like that".

Woodcutter: "Then you gave me all the axes praising my honesty. I have rejected both Urvasi and Menaka and accepted only my true wife".

Goddess: "So what?"

Woodcutter: "Appreciating my honesty, you should have given me Urvasi and Menaka along with my wife. But you have cheated me and given me only my wife"

Goddess: "No man! This is not like your axe. One man should possess only one woman as his wife and you got your wife back. You could have accepted either Urvasi or Menaka when I offered them to you. But you didn't do that."

Woodcutter: "Excuse me for my fault, Goddess! Will you give me one more chance to choose from Urvasi or Menaka so that I can once more push my wife into the lake?"

Boon or Bane

The other day the women's club of that locality conducted a grand meeting with Smt.Parvathy Devi (Lord Shiva's wife) as the chair person and resolved to pray Lord Shiva to grant them a boon to get themselves relieved from bearing the writhing pain at the time of delivery (Labour pain). All those spoke on the occasion vehemently came upon their male counterparts as they were free from any wear and tear during or after their best half's pregnancy.

Smt.Parvathy Devi , with tears rolling down her cheeks,narrated her woes and how she suffered while she was carrying her two sons-one with an elephant head and the other having six faces. Her voice choked with emotions.

Thus passed a resolution that henceforth ladies would bear the pregnancy for ten months and the pain and hardships during delivery has to be borne by the child's father and thus equality can be maintained.

Lord Shiva, seeing the resolution, wanted his partner and co. to think severely about it before pleading for a boon from him.But the over enthusiastic ladies stood firm in their decision. The boon was granted by the Lord.

The first delivery case victim, after the boon was granted, was a lady expecting her fourth issue. The date and time neared and Smt.Parvathy Devi, herself wanted to witness the events for herself, was also present and all eyes focused on the lady's poor husband who was there, worried and restless.

The nurse announced that the delivery would take place within 5 to 10 mins and there were no signs of the lady's husband having any uneasiness or pain. Everybody thought that Lord Shiva, being a male, must have cheated them. They were about to march to the Lord when they heard the cries of a man from the neighbourhood. A young man, staying in the neighbourhood, was writhing in acute pain and rolling on the floor when the ladies group arrived there. Parvathy Devi smelt something foul and immediately rushed to Lord Shiva.

"I wanted you to think twice before granting the boon. You wanted the child's father to bear the labour pain- but not the lady's husband. Now the boon cannot be changed. But I can withdraw it if you pray" quipped the Lord.

The ladies group fell at the feet of the Lord and prayed for the boon to be taken back and thus did the Lord.

Bonus Punch:

 Son asked Dad: Dad! Before sleep, to ward off evil spirits and bad dreams, we pray "Arjunan,Phalgunan etc etc". Whom will Arjun pray if he wants to ward off evil spirits?

Dad : ???